Are We Too Old???
As I sit here coughing my lungs up, I am beginning to wonder if we have waited too long…are we too old to start this adventurous life-style?
I know some of you out there are older than we are, but most have been at this for awhile now. Some of you are younger and made the decision to enjoy your life while you still had the health and energy that we now lack. Some of you are still waiting to make that change. I wonder if we have waited too long. Although we went camping when the kids were little and have almost always had some type of RV, I can hear Dr. Phil in my head saying, “What are you thinkin’?”
It seems we have morphed into those old people who never feel real good and have all the chronic health issues of “old folks”. Yet the dichotomy is that we are still trying to do all the things we did when we were younger…take care of kids, host backyard picnics, provide B&B for all-comers, take care of this big old house and yard… just the regular things parents do. Not that we don’t want to do these things – it just seems like my “want to” is greater than my “can do”.
So where am I going to find the energy to travel and hike and take pictures and do all the things I have always dreamed of doing? I’m digging deep here folks and so far, it seems my well is coming up dry. And how am I going to explain to the grandkids that I will miss the birthday or the recital or the _________(fill in the blank)?
Perhaps I am too old to make such a drastic change. Even after retirement we have only gone on “vacations” of two weeks at a time. We have had some great trips but we always had to be back for something…or we ran out of money staying in hotels and eating in restaurants. Now we can stay gone as long as we want and sleep in the same bed every night and cook our own meals. My dilemma is, can we make such a drastic change?
How did YOU do it? How do you deal with saying “NO” when it becomes necessary? My family is not demanding but we have set a certain precedent that we are here and available most of the time. Is it too late to change that and should we even try?
Had I refused the sick children last week, I would not be sick now. But I would have had disappointed grandkids, parents, and myself. I would be packing the motor home instead of cleaning up inevitable messes left by a houseful of youngsters. I only have a certain amount of energy and I think I spent it all last week and borrowed on the next month’s reserves. I think that’s called a deficit energy budget!
So I can stay home, relax in my recliner and take it easy or I can try and get out there and start a new adventure. At this point, I really don’t know which is better.
You won't know the answer until you try. Go out there and see if you feel better about your decision. In the meantime, try to build up your immunity, lots of fruits and vege's, and herbal teas. One thing I am learning is that I can't take care of everyone else.
ReplyDeleteI've had many of the same feeling, except we hardly ever took vacations, never went camping, and have never had our own RV.
ReplyDeleteI have worked my A%* off this last year and will continue to do so to get this old house in shape. The yard belongs to nature.
We have enough money to go now if we could just get out from under the house!
We only have two grandsons, and they are in another part of the state. We visit on Holidays, and if my daughter needs me I fly to help, but I could say no.
I feel the slowing of age. And tell myself that If I could just loose 60 pounds I'd feel young again. I probably wouldn't.
I think you are just down because you are sick. We just don't handle colds as easily as we did when we were younger. As a Mom we may have gotten the cold, but we had to keep being the Mom and couldn't afford to rest.
I'm sure you will be ready for the next trip as soon as you feel better.
Don't let the dream go to easily, its scary. But what is the alternative.
As soon as you are over this cold/flu that you have, I know that things will look brighter. Getting to a land of sunshine will help, too. As you know, we are part-timers, or what some call any-timers, which works well for us. Once our grandchild is born though, things may be different for us. ;) Now is the time for you to do some experimenting and see what works for you. Get well soon!
ReplyDeleteDonna, Donna...I so feel your pain. As I've told you, our kids lived in 3 different states, so we really didn't have the dilemma of leaving them -- they had already left us. HOWEVER, having said that, we have spent more time in NC with our dgt & family and since we have not been around them that much -- to see the kids grow up -- it is difficult to leave. BUT, we go & when we come back, they are so happy to see us & hear about our adventures. Thru email, cellphones, we keep in touch on a daily basis, which makes it easier when we're gone. The grandkids are growing up and are busy with their own worlds. As far as being too old, we recently saw a couple where the man could hardly walk and the woman had to help him do everything outside. I wondered how he could drive that 40' MH, but he did. There are singles out there doing it alone. Right now you are tired -- and sick. Once you rest and feel better, you'll be ready to go. You are NOT too old! Don't know if you plan to fulltime or just go on an adventure every now & then, but please don't throw in the towel & give up yet. Give it some time. Life is short and you are entitled to enjoy it. If you don't try, you will always wonder "what if..." I will be praying for you & Russ. Now get some rest & feel better!!
ReplyDeleteIf you really want to do it, you will, but you'll never know unless you try. I'm 66 and am doing it alone. Never driven an RV before. But this is MY life, and I'm going to try all the things I couldn't do while working. I've earned it, and so have you. It's time to be selfish without feeling guilty. That's not a bad word.
ReplyDeleteYour Lazy Daze is sooooo gorgeous!
Having said that, I'm babysitting a sick 2 year old grandson tomorrow. I dug out my dust masks from when we had fires here, and am going to wear one. It might not keep out the germs, but it'll remind me to keep my hands away from my face. I have too much to do in the next week to get that horrible cold that's going around. My son has it, and I really don't want it!
I hope you feel better soon. :)
hang in there Donna!..hope you feel better soon..maybe start with an extended vacation and see how that goes!!..one trip at a time and pretty soon you won't want to come back!!!
ReplyDeleteYou CAN do this! I'm sure once you get to feeling better you won't feel quite so overwhelmed. It takes courage to make a change at any age. From what I've read so far, I think this is something you do want, but you won't know for sure until you try. The kids and grandkids will adjust. They may be used to having you available all the time now, but if they know you're going to be gone for a month or two, they'll make other plans.
ReplyDeleteOne of the best lessons I learned from my dad was watching him follow his dreams after he retired. He wasn't afraid to try different things and his dreams changed over time. He is a role model to me and I believe that is one of the best gifts you can give your family. You are obviously very close to them and I'm sure they all want you to be happy.
As others have suggested, you won't know until you give it a try. It might be that you find what works best is shorter more frequent trips so that you can come back home in between. Or you might find that being gone for longer periods is not all that traumatic. I believe that finding the right balance is the key.
Hope you feel better soon and don't give up on it yet just yet! We're all behind you!!
The word 'Prioritize' comes to my mind here. Your post has given me an idea for a blog on my thoughts about this common dilemna & I shall write about that shortly. It is easy for me to sit here & say to you, 'put yourself first' but I know how hard that is to do for many people. To a lesser degree than your situation we made that decision a few years ago & have not regretted that decision for one single second.
ReplyDeleteAge is a relative thing, get your self healthy and feeling better, and I'm sure you will feel better about your traveling. Be safe out there. Sam & Donna..
ReplyDeleteAl is right -- it's easy to say do what we did, and I'm itching to say it. We had our daughters, at least the younger one, angry with us for not being there for every occasion (although she's the one who moved to a different state while we were still working!). But we took our own path, and we visit the family once in a while. As far as being too old or too sick -- Suzy has had severe spinal problems for years, can hardly walk sometimes, yet she's in charge of driving the motorhome wherever and whenever we go, and we're off for rallies three times a year, and this summer we're taking a four month or longer trip to wherever we end up. So -- you do what makes your heart soar.
ReplyDeleteEveryone's situation is a bit different, but it really comes down to what you want and a realistic look at what you can do. I have observed folks on the road in a physical condition that I would not likely want to travel with, but they have decided that this is what they want.
ReplyDeleteWe have been a bit transient all our lives, so there are no deep location roots. Like others commented, our kids live in three states, widely separated from each other. None of those states are near where we last lived in a house.
In dealing with family members expectations, it is important, I think, to understand that you have a separate life from theirs and a right to pursue your interests.
Having said that, family is important and we enjoy spending time with them. At the moment, we are staying in the same place so that we can be with our new granddaughter and help out the parents. However, they know when the time we agreed to be here is up, we will head back down the road and do our thing.
We have never intended to be full time forever, partly because of the aging process, but mostly because this is an adventure that will have an end point. We are so glad that we were able to do this, but have always known it is just a part of our life.
After four plus years on the road, we are now starting to think about the next phrase of life and our exit strategy.
I guess, in short, I would advise to not let fear guide you, but a real look at risks and goals. Oh, yes-remember to have fun and stay away from kids with germs. All my worst days in the last for years have come from someone else's germs :)
Really, only you can decide what is right for you. We all face our physical limitations as we age, but I choose to go down fighting! I'm glad I chose this life for me, but I'm not qualified to give you advice on what you should do. I hope you are at peace with whatever decision you make. :)
ReplyDeleteOnly you can decide. We all went through these feelings you are having. Some of us went this way and some of us went another way. You will know when the time comes.
ReplyDeletei will only say "nothing ventured... nothing gained"
ReplyDeleteWell, many have already said it, and I will echo it. You’re the only one who can decide what’s right for you. What you can’t do is to try to do it all; try to be all to everyone. It’s simply not possible IMHO. If you try to do that, you will wear yourself down and be no good to anyone, including yourself. Take a look at what’s on your plate and prioritize. Don’t feel guilty about carving time out for “me.” You may physically miss a family event … let’s say a birthday … but a special gift bought from where you happen to be that day; a postcard mailed with that date stamp … a recognition on the blog … all are means of showing people you’re thinking of them.
ReplyDeleteTechnology is wonderful (although too much can be too much). Use it to stay in touch via video telecons ; drop little notes and postcards to your grandkids from different places you visit; play a long distance game of guess where we are, or guess what this animal is … give them enough clues so that they can go do research; encourage them to read books set in the location you’re visiting; help them start a collection … maybe pins from some of the places you visit. Think of the educational opportunities sharing your travels with your grandkids will offer up. That to me is a gift that would keep on giving.
Most kids and grandkids are happiest when their parents and grandparents are happy. Happiness is contagious. Finding out what really makes you happy is the kicker. Most people have been slaves to the 9-5 routine most of their lives and have no soul to call their own so freedom at last can be daunting so we tend to kling to what we know well, enslavement.
ReplyDeleteFeeling guilty has been a burden of our decision to go full-time. We have had friends, neighbors, and family heap on the guilt for "leaving them". I do miss our friends and family and we have returned "home" several times a year. Having my own son tell me how upset he is about us "leaving our family" and not being available for every holiday has been very difficult. However, I am so happy on a daily basis with our new lifestyle. We aren't getting any younger and both already have health problems so I'm thankful that we are able to live our dream. I hope you can make the right decisions for the two of you.
ReplyDeleteI have to say, I simply cannot understand grown children who would try to make their parents feel guilty for taking off on an adventure after spending 20+ years raising and supporting said children! At some point, it is time for the grown children to take over the holidays, the backyard BBQ's, etc - and to be grateful their parents have the health, the interest, and the finances to indulge in an adventure of their own. Letting one's children and grandchildren see that parents/grandparents are their own people with their own lives and interests is a valuable lesson.
ReplyDeleteBTW, you will (unfortunately) get sick in your home-on-wheels, too - and will have all the comforts of home to make it as comfortable as is possible. The upside? If you spouse is well enough to drive, you can have a changing view! :) Best wishes for a quick recovery.
There's not much I can add to all the good advice that has already been put forth. I will just say that I believe that age is relative - some people are "old" before their time, and there are other people who really never seem to get "old". So IMO, whatever decision you make, it shouldn't be because of your age.
ReplyDeleteDon't know what i can add. All thoughtful responses to U. No one can tell u what to decide, BUT the relatives get along, life goes on. Be HAPPY!
ReplyDelete