Exit Strategy???

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately.  Mother’s Day seems to do that to me.  I think about my own mother, who has been gone now for over 20 years.   I remember how we took her into our home and cared for her after my dad died.  After I had to go to work full-time, Mother went to live with one of my sisters for over a year until she passed away.  We were lucky we had the resources and the living space at that time to deal with the situation. 

I think of the job I did as a mother myself and wonder if the love I gave will ever outweigh the mistakes I made.  I think of other mothers out there who have no one left to care for them and wonder what my responsibility is and how much I can really do to solve those problems.  I am wondering about my own future as I age and am finally alone.

I’m wondering how many of you full or part timers have an exit strategy?  I know this has been alluded to a couple of times lately on other blogs.  In dealing with a situation we now have in our lives, I am really thinking about what older folks need to do to prepare for the inevitable.

We got a list today from the re-hab center of all the documents that need to be found before one can qualify for assistance from Medicaid.  It includes everything from a birth certificate to a current financial statement.  Many of the documents the certifiers need are going to be very difficult to trace down.  Unless you are very wealthy and can pay for in home care or for assisted living, you will need Medicaid.  Medicare does NOT pay for invalid care!

I have been considering this as it applies to our future.  Although we have many things already in place, I am not certain that we have everything that is on this list.  We will be making sure we have ALL that information together for ourselves.  Before we went on our journey last month, we put on a USB drive all of our financial records, passwords, bank account numbers, advanced directives, and information on where to locate our will and other important papers.  We left this information in a sealed envelope with my sister with instructions on what to do if we were incapacitated in any way…and yes, I would trust either of my sisters with my life!!  We have also talked to our kids about our last wishes.  About the only thing we still need to do is a pre-paid cremation plan.

This stuff may not be the easiest thing to talk about but it is a fact…we are all going to die or become incapacitated at some point in our lives.  It may be while we are out on the road or it may be when we are sitting in our living room at home.  But if you have loved ones who will be responsible for you at some point, the best gift you can give them is to have things laid out and easily accessible ahead of time. 

We are scrambling to ascertain where documents are kept, what assets and liabilities exist, and we have no authority to find any of it.  Yet, because of the unique situation we face with this elderly person,  we will have to do at least some of the legwork on getting things squared away.  And the biggest problem is the time factor.  All of this takes time, and after all the information is gathered, the application process also takes times.  Meanwhile, how do you help this person?  Discharge date is set for May 18 and as of now, we do not have an answer for what the housing situation will be.  It is very difficult, and trying to make decisions under these circumstances is stressful to say the least.

So, if you haven’t already done so, I encourage you to find someone you trust, even if you have to hire an attorney, and get things in order NOW, before it is needed.  Your loved ones will thank you for it! 

Sorry this is not a very uplifting or fun post, but it is something we all need to deal with at some point.