Revelations

It has been an interesting week.  No, I’m not having dreams and visions, but, in the midst of enjoying friends and family, a few things have become clear to me.

Every summer for as long as I can remember, we have had some kind of family gathering in our backyard.  We have always kept the yard nice and had beautiful flowers for the enjoyment of ourselves and our company.


We have watered the grass and made sure it was suitable for backyard activities.



And every year we have at least one big shebang and invite all the family, extended family, in-laws, outlaws, and friends.






 July 2010






We set up tents and canopies, cook LOTS of food, let the grandkids perform, haul out all the extra chairs and tables and just open the yard and pool to all comers.

  

The yard and the pool and the family gatherings (and the memories of those times) are a big part of what has tied to me to this place.  I felt I could never give it up because it would be like losing the family ties.  Yet each year we would get more and more worn out, and we eventually had to confess (at least to each other) that we just couldn’t do it anymore.

When we were both still working, we could afford all the extra food, the huge water bill, the required lawn and garden maintenance, the pool maintenance, and we enjoyed it so much.  There is nothing like having family and friends gather together and enjoy what we willingly shared with them.  It’s great to hear someone say, “oh, your flowers are so beautiful”, or “this food is so delicious.”  It’s wonderful to see the kids splashing in the pool or singing their little hearts out for their parents and aunties and uncles.

But we are tired and with just a little less disposable income than we are accustomed to LOL!  So this year we did things differently.  I asked my son, John,  to take over the organizing of the family get together.  I said we would supply the yard and the pool and open the backyard to anyone who wanted to come.  However, we would not be setting up tents and canopies, nor dragging out chairs and tables (although anyone who wanted to use those things was welcome to drag them out) , nor providing a huge selection of food.  In fact, we called it a backyard picnic and asked everyone to bring a sack lunch and their own drinks.  My sisters and I have been doing this all summer for our sisters’ lunches and it has worked great.

John has been after me for years to quit working so hard at our summer gatherings so I finally said okay.  And so our gathering was a bit smaller this year.  But we had just as good a time and perhaps a better time.  I was not running around trying to serve everyone and making sure there were enough plates, napkins, drinks, food, etc.  I did not spend the week before shopping, cleaning, and cooking.  I didn’t make costumes or direct a cousins show.  They are old enough to do that on their own if they are interested.  And you know what, nobody seemed to mind.  Those that wanted to visit showed up and those that didn’t, well, they didn’t!!

I also realized that everything we did in my back yard could just as easily have been done at one of the local parks.  We might have to share the grounds and the pool but so what?  We could still sit and visit and eat and fellowship together.

The point of all this is that I have seen that this old house and yard and pool are NOT what matters.  When we sell this place, the family is not going to disappear.  We do NOT need to stay tied to this big house and huge yard and all the expense of maintaining all that and a pool besides, just so the family can have a place to gather.  As long as we are family, we will have our memories and we will have our love.  And we can do that anywhere…and from now on we will.  I am turning the organizing of family gatherings over to the next generation and I am retiring.

I think I am finally ready to let go.  It will no doubt be difficult as we have lived here for over 35 years and raised our kids here.  This is the only home the grand-kids have every seen us in.  There are a lifetime of memories in this old house.  But the fact is that life changes and we can either wait until we are too old to make those decisions or we can take charge of our future and make changes while we are still able to do so. 

I don’t know the timing of our transition.  I look at all the “stuff” we have collected over the years and wonder how am I ever going to sort through it all.  I cannot even begin to contemplate what we will do with all the junk in the garage/barn.  The attics are stuffed as is every room in the house.  We have started with the office and have thrown or given away much of the clutter that was in there.  It will take time but we are headed in that direction.
 
I should just settle down like Kate and Jeana and Merikay and Jessica and Harry and just get this done before we go off on any more trips, but we aren’t quite that dedicated yet.  We will still take some trips this fall and winter but when we are home it’s going to be for the purpose of working towards getting the house ready to sell.  Where will we go?  I have no idea at this point.  I only know our future is getting shorter every year and if we are going to make things easier on ourselves, and eventually on our children, it is time to make some changes.